Page 1/365 2015


Time checked: 11.55pm

Done with my 4km run and a good bath, I finally got myself to sit infront of my laptop at the dining table to type out this entry.

As I grew older, I felt that each time a year pass, it meant a lot to me, (or maybe its just the past 2 years.) Without a single doubt, 2014 has been a year of heaps of changes in my life. I entered 2014 with so much anxieties and dreadfulness, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through all those changes..

Then here I am, already in 2015.

One of the many changes I'd in 2014 was that I was no longer a student, I no longer had to go to school, study for exams, go for lectures, print notes, etc (Love/hate relationship hahaha), and with that, that means I had to look for a full time job (Ahh... the agony).


I started with a sewing internship, the pay was peanuts, my mom was mad, but of course that wasn't the long term solution.




That lasted till about April, May? + I gave relief teaching occasionally then too. I knew time wasn't in my favour, my peers were all working Full Time, earning a substantial decent pay, and there I was just luring away with just an internship and slacking most of the time. I was rich in time, but my soul was so tired, tired of just passing each day/ week with nothing solid done in my life.

Then came conference, which meant that my time in HRP was nearing, so I decided to formally send my resumes out and look for a job (Didn't want to find a FT job then when I was still in HRP because I felt that I wouldn't be able to do much if I was working and no point if I stayed on).
 
However, finding job was one thing (Well, honestly there are really quite a number of jobs out there, you can be a service crew, a retail staff, blah blah) but I was at a loss of which path to take. I'm not sure if I was thinking a lot, but I knew that I did not want to start working at a place I just go to work for money sake, but a place/ company I felt that I was learning and that goes beyond the monetary values. I was stuck between Marketing and Education. Education was something that I didn't mind exploring, I love kids and teaching them was something I felt that I could be happy while Marketing was something that I studied (If I didn't pursue Marketing, what for go Uni right? Lol.) and Marketing was something that was more.... me? Compared to like Engineering, Accountancy and whats not.

July and August was a period I went for a few job interviews and doors kept shutting on me. The life station I was in and the scope of friends I mixed around with made it hard for me to share because no one could really understand the helplessness I felt, I was confused, frustrated at myself.

Then August came, and I finally wore the graduation hat!!!!!!! The time spent in RMIT was short, but it was a time that I grew much as a student, I learnt more about myself (eg: what kind of study methods I worked best for me).



And on that exact day, I received an email that I got accepted into Zalora!!! HALLELUJAH! It was like striking the lottery twice (: Hahahaha. It has been about 5 months in Zalora already, and Im just so thankful to God for placing me here. It was a trying and tiring period of job search of almost 10 months (?), but right now, I'm so glad to be where I am right here, doing Social Media. (In Conference, a prayer leader prayed for me and he said I was going to at a place where I was going to impact lives, be a place surrounded with people) #wewillseethatcometopassyeah


That was just merely one part of the change in my life. Another was learning how to handle my finance (hahaha suck so badly), and not take allowance anymore. Man it was hard. Thank God for sustaining me thus far, and how He blessed me when I gave my first 3 digits of tithing in Sept heh.
 
 The other huge change in 2014 for me was the change in ministry. To step out of the student ministry and move on to young adults. Then...... moving on is one thing, but which group right?! Hahaha so many sole decision making last year! After 9 years of being in the student ministry, and the last time I had moved on was like...... 5 years ago? It was definitely not easy to let go, but I kinda felt that my time was up. 



 Polydins has been a place of ......... can't really find a word to describe, its so so so eventful. I'd my ups, and most down moments there. It was a place where there were so many times I wished I could just throw in the white towel and call it quits, but it was also the very place I grew. I grew much in terms of leadership, learning to rely on God and not men when I did not have a team of people with me, felt that I had to bring the girls when I was just a sole warrior. It was no bed of roses there and then, after less than a year when I moved in when I was Year 1, I took up the lgl role, and through the 5 years, there quite a few groups I led in RP, the several restructures that we went through, the many people who came and left.

 My perception of Church, the people in Church changed so much ever since Youth, thank God things got better the past 2-3 years. It was then I led the last group in Church/ Polydins. Those individuals who had been under my care meant a lot to me, and still am now, (dk why they are like so special to me hahaha), those individuals that I choose to remain close to after I moved on. Ok, that was Polydins in a (very small) nutshell.

Thank God for also leading me into a new spiritual family, iMX. Thank God for the individuals who are so genuine, their hearts for God aren't staged and there wasn't a need for pretense. (Brownie points: They are really fun people to be with, woohoo!)
 
2014 had also been a year I went through a whirl of emotions. My crying quota just keeps increasing each year, omgawd. I used to hate being emotional to the point that I could very emotionless about everything, I don't sob in sad movies, I don't cry when things were tough, I don't end up with a pool of tears when God speak to me... the last time I cried/ emo-ed was when I was in secondary 1, before I came to know God/ at least the first year of knowing God cause back then being emo was the trend.... hahahaha. I kinda take pride that I was emotionless about almost anything and everything.

But, 2014 saw me crying at a sad movie, for friends, when God spoke to me, and when it comes to family. I never felt so sad for a friend before, and it so heart wrecking to have a friend whose a loved one was gone (I didn't even cry when my grandfather passed on.......) I haven't cried in Axis before, but tears kept flowing that day, I stopped to find that life goes on, and it wasn't easy to smile or laugh when a dear friend was grieving. (Sigh...)

Then come family, it was something that I knew that I moved on, or dealt with. But at the mention of how kids love their fathers, how they wished their fathers did something for them (Omg.... I'm starting to tear right now. MY FIRST TEAR IN 2015) my heart just feels.... sour? All I remember was that I was a daddy girl, I love following my daddy around, I still remember very vividly when I was young, he said if I were to follow him to cut hair, he would cut my hair really short, but I just didn't bother about having short hair and all I wanted to was to follow him.


(Hahaha cute picture) Every year we go through the Family Life series and I really didn't give much thought about going through the series again last year. But last year for 2 services consecutively, it left me just tearing so much. Up till now, I don't really know if I have gotten over my daddy's thing. I became so vulnerable about it now. It was also those 2 services that God spoke to me. For the past 6-7 years, a number of people who prophesied for me have always given me the word Love, especially from the passage Romans 8:38-39.

I always knew that God loves me, and I'm a recipient of God's love and that His love has changed my life and it is also His love I am who I am today, loving and serving Him. But at that point of time, it seemed that all the puzzles pieced up together. Now, after 6 years, I finally realised why God has been sending people to remind of His love. In His love, I am complete.


I love my humble family. Thank God that my brother is also in Church, am earnestly praying that my mummy will cross the line of faith soon. (:

In 2014, I have also decided to do my online shop, it started with just a plan of getting more people to buy clothes so my shipping will be cheaper then all the crazy ideas started coming in and I couldn't sleep for a few days because I was too excited about it coming to pass. I also took up tuition in 2014, thank God for being able to have a personal touch with a kid and watching him grow (physically, in our relationship and in his studies) is such a joy. I was and still am juggling with 3 jobs (Zalora, tuition and art and craft job) currently!!

2015 will be the year I will have to start giving my parents allowance, fully enter the working world as a Full Timer and it will be my 10th year with God!!!! It is indeed the year of Jubilee, the year of harvest. My heart prayer is that I will not be a by-passer or an onlooker at what God is doing in Church, but to be a part of moving with Him in the spirit and being His hands and feets, though I may not do something very significant in the eyes of men, but with the little heart of mine, my unworthy being, I will devote myself to God and His kingdom. And my prayer will always be never to gain the world yet to forfeit the soul.

May the 10th year with God be even more fruitful. (:


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Wednesday, April 9, 2014